this morning sitting at my desk going through the emails that came in – “help me with this; save me from that…” endless. revenge fantasies come to mind, everything trapped in swine, heading to the ocean. my throne on their backs.

which begs the question, who’s dream is this?

which of us are going to drown?

my friend sends me a message over the internal messenger. i was going to share it with you all but it looks like my logging is fucked up. i guess this will shorten the length of todays “cry fest.” basic plot, “you’re different now. a sparks gone out.”

my response to that? “since when the fuck did you start playing attention.” statement form. nonquestion.

they have these two older guys here to paint the walls in this building right now. the smell of paint reminds me i am out of cigarettes. which reminds me i need to buy some. inturn i remember i have no money.

“hey man, i am sorry i keep going by for coffee – every time i go by you have to stop.”

“oh don’t worry about it. did you buy me lunch?”

he smiles at me and looks the bag i have.

“sure, i doubt he will mind.”

long confused pause.

“no thanks… take it to your friend.”

so far i have been romantically thinking about fevers and chills and secret doors under highway overpasses. another guy i work with tells me he is waiting for it to be five so he can go home. he laughs, “my girlfriend called me last night, right after five, ‘it’s ten after, where are you?’” so i told her, “ok,” and hung up on her.

knowing his girlfriend a little i can only imagine all the yelling she heaped on him when he got home.

“you know what man? i figure, i’ve worked here a year. i leave close to a quarter after everyday and i am home by a quarter till. she shouldn’t have too much trouble figuring out where i’m at.”

“i guess you’re right. it is simple math.”

this is the same guy that i send ascii penis art to in response to his XBLA messages.

————

subject:

re: open letter to the world

message:

he is weaker then he should be and stronger in ways that slip past casual assumption. when you see him in the halls make sure you talk to him about weather or what movie is coming soon. he keeps on top of the latest trends and is always very concerned about when it will rain. this sort of interaction will allow him to feel like he is apart of the greater machine and also allow for a feeling of value. please when leaving the building be sure you’ve locked up behind him.

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don’t worry ladies this is my “fuck me” sneer.

don’t worry gents this is my “best friends” disdain.

——————

hello! dear shovel load!