Oh how I hate me. I’m not going to post this to-night. My brain is scatttering as I type this. It’s been three weeks in the waiting. I have several subjects I’d like to address, and I will do none of them in this sitting. I’m not really in the mood to write at the moment. I’m drinking, and I’m itching to play my game. Last-night I started a new character for the game. A character that’s going to do things in bad ways that I might not normally do. My original character does what I think I would really do. Mostly. I want to say “mostily” ever since I saw that “Jizz in my Pants” video. Check it out; it’s awesome. Anyway, ever notice how fast your heart beats sometimes when you’ve been drinking? Ther are times when I wake up after doing lots of drinking and have to piss the Thames. Occasionally, my heart will beat so fast and hard when I do that, that I think I might just die. Now I’m checking my msgs neurotically. At least to see if they’ve read my message.

I want to write about the distinction between love and sex. I want to write about my concerns (or lack thereof) about death. I want to play my game ‘cause when I started that second (bad) character, I accidently saved over my most recent save for my main character. The full implications of this didn’t hit me until sometime to-day, while at work. However, the game does auto-save when one leaves or enters through a door. So, I still have a save for that character. Albiet slightly further back than what I’d like to be. Especially since I made some impressive moves since that time. I think. I can’t remember exactly. I wanted to say “exactily” there. Even though that wasn’t in the song.

I’m listening to some new music right now. My idiot . . . well, a “co-worker” of mine suggested two bands that I might like, based on a band that I do newly like a lot. Usually this guy’s suggestions are shit. Fortunately for him, I’ve already been directed towards this first new (to me) band, so he’s slightly more credible. And it’s pretty good, so far.

I hate it when I reach for my drink and it’s empty.

Usually on New Year’s Eve I try to avoid people. Like, even go to the bathroom to be away from others during the official year-change. I’ve never seen the ball drop, aside from movies and such. This year I’m going to a friend of the family’s, and I plan to get stupid-drunk. I just hope I don’t make a complete ass of myself and hit on everything that is faintly feminine.

I watched a shew to-day that made me sad. I don’t know why. It was an episode of “Terminator: Sarah Conner Chronicles” and I felt like an overemotional little girl watching it. I knew that I’ve been feeling more unhappy lately, but I guess it must be worse that I’d thought. I think about time-travel a lot. I’m often considering the cause and effect of one’s actions. You know, “what if?” and all that. Well, not just that. Some minor change can effect so many things in the future. Especially something that we think of as insignificant at the moment. Even things that no-one else would know, right? Yeah. Things that get dug up later.

So, maybe I’m a lesbian trapped in a woman’s body? lol, I just told someone on messenger that I just wrote that.
I might have to save the convo and paste it here, with names changed.

***

Wow. I read it, and it’s total drivel. I’m not posting that crap here.

***

Oh, lol, okay. So. I suddenly felt the alcohol take hold of me. Colours are interesting. My im’s are slower. Should I publish the new ones, too?
lol, that’d be funny.
and I mean, “taht’dbe bunny!”