“i just met the swellest dame… she smacked me right in the kisser.”
the glass key ’42
bending twisting trying the make the edges sharper like a samuri suicide pact strings tied on every finger and still cant remember what went wrong cant function unless buried get the shovel youve got a lot of digging to do i think she feels forced and in turn so do i because im sick of swinging while watching others climb into tunnels smoke in the air carbon dioxide in the air even the trees are letting off steam most nights the lines keep getting longer like last year
its all just a build up for nothing
you cant call blood then forfiet for semen there are holes everywhere like a dam but no pebble, rock, or finger is ever going to pacify it
he: it’s a very good movie. if you get a chance to see it you should.
she: it looks like it would make me cry. i pass.
he: probably would. you are right. i didnt forget you are a big baby. i just forget that i am a glutton and actually invite sadness into my life.
she: [popping bubbles] its different. you and i.
he: haha yeah you are usually sprawled out on door steps holding a bottle of champagne because you can’t handle the vodka anymore. popping pills. slurring how you listened to him again.
she: right. is that what is going on tonight?
the russian alphabet, known as cyrillic or Кириллица (Ki-reel-lee-tsa)
has 33 letters; 21 consonants, 10 vowels and two signs.
the letters are: А Б В Г Д Е Ё Ж З И Й К Л М Н О П Р С Т У Ф Х Ц Ч Ш Щ ъ ы ь Э Ю and Я.
or should i tell you about the cello?
or show you all the art i have created?
or let you hold the skeleton key i keep in my purse?
_____________________________________________
you dried off my blue eyes…
and when we kissed it should have felt poisonous…
and i get it…
i am disposable…
easily replaceable…
redundant with poor aim.
which is sad because i have a huge ass.
*
*sucker for over priced tacky underwear.
i didnt go to church
opted to slut around the house
tried to break my room mate’s cat’s paw
used my other room mate’s vibrator
cleaned the house
took a shower
was too lazy to go out to get a dr pepper so i ordered a pizza so it would be delivered.
only half of this is true.
woke up this morning at 9, trying to block out the sunlight with blankets, pillows, amethyst, etc.
the blonde one shook me slightly with a soft voice telling me not to give them a FREE peep show. “hmm?”
“i put all the blinds down or pulled the curtains to because they were peeking in while they were on the ladder
working. they are everywhere! like spider monkeys! (monkies?)”
they are hardly like monkeys!
but i laid in bed after she left petting the sheets and looking at my nasty finger nails for 30 minutes before i
returned a few texts.
then put some pants on and thought over the past week. ignored calls, the st pat’s incident where a boy told me i looked like a 50’s pin up girl and i laughed so hard i stumbled down stairs, the car wreck that hit me on my side, the spining that insued, oh the fun, oh the pain. the falling was AFTER the car wreck. either way i am in pain.
monthly my mind keeps floating to whether or not i have hurt someone so badly or maybe they thought about me so much that they just had to delete my number. i doubt it.
turn everything thing off and cover your neck.
“what are you wearing?”
“the sins of my forefathers-and fat pants with a broken zipper.”
2008 hits and all the sudden i am fearful of wrinkles.
wrinkles and the likliness of me.
i woke up just a few minutes ago with a pain in my sternum and the slight memory of the blonde room mate walking in saying her room was too cold.
the red room mate is on a road trip. i am using her bed ofcourse because i still have no mattress. having given mine away in either 2006 or 07 in a coked out fit of good will to a panda bear. that and the fact that i couldnt stand how many people had slept in it.
hell even my dresser still isnt over here.
throwing back a couple pills and laying elevated, and i start to cry. squid head comes and kneads my heart. my feet and legs cold. 4am and i want to passed out.
i can hear the stupid train whistle. and the city lights are beating in thru the blinds.
need to get the place cleaned up before the red head gets home tomorrow night.
need to get my room cleaned.
need to get my system cleared out.
need to get a boring job that comes with a 401k and insurance.
need to get married.
need to get the picket fence.
need to start collecting music boxes again.
_____________________________________________
11:24 am
i still hurt. the only difference is a washed face.
gift for room mate #2 written on scarlett johansson’s legs:
some say she’s one of those girls. they will say ‘maybe i’ll live so long i’ll forget her.’ (‘48) no song could be turned up loud enough. as if he’s talking to someone he’s so close to he can’t see her characteristics. fingering page 19. we say cunt daily.
_____________________________________________________
instead of
the streets are black. you haven’t fucked for a long time. you forget how incredibly sensitive you are. you hurt. hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt. you meet the nicest guy in the world and fall in love with him you do and you manage to get into his house and you stand before him. a girl who puts herself out on a line. a girl who asks for trouble and forgets that she has feelings and doesnt even remember what fucking’s about or how she’s supposed to go about it cause she wasn’t fucked in so long and now she’s naive and stupid. so like a dope she sticks herself in front of the guy: here i am; understood: do you want me? no, thank you. she did it. there she is. what does she do now? where does she go? she was a stupid girl: she went and offered herself, awkwardly, to someone who didn’t want her. that’s not stupid. the biggest pain in the world is feeling but sharper is the pain of the self.
-blood and guts in high school
kathy acker
______________________________________________________
eye contact most of the time even though it’s dark. ‘what are you doing?’ ‘reading your chest.’ ‘why? you already know what it says.’
